Those Left Standing
by monsley
Summary: Is there any hope for them? Can they find peace after loss? Megumi tries to find out. [Spoilers for Seishou Hen.]


**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Nobuhiro Watsuki. I'm just goofing around.

**Spoilers:** Whole series and ESPECIALLY **Seishou Hen**. **Do not read if you wish not to be spoiled about what happens in the end of Rurouni Kenshin** (the REAL end, not that mushy episode 95 crap.)__

**Author's note:** After the fic.

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**Those left standing**

_by Meg_

Megumi turned in her bed again. She couldn't sleep at all. She just couldn't find the pose. Almost a month in it hadn't erased the long years that had passed since she'd last occupied this room, over Dr. Genzai's clinic in Tokyo.

It'd surprised her to see he kept it almost exactly as it was when she lived there; except for some odds and ends that had been piled up there— after all, her room was the attic—, everything was as she remembered. But it didn't feel _hers_. Not much did, lately. Too many things had changed, including herself.

She reached out for the candle by the bedside, giving up on sleeping. It wouldn't be much longer until dawn, anyway, and her carriage left shortly after sunrise. Clutching her nightdress tighter, she went to the window and opened it wide. Her gaze was involuntarily drawn towards the Dojo. She could barely make it out but for a single light on the first floor. _That'll be Kenji_, she thought. It wasn't likely the young man would be able to get any sleep the night after his mother's burial.

Megumi brought a hand to her eyes. Kaoru, still so young, with so much to give… And with a son who needed her desperately to cling to reality, not to get lost among his demons… But she'd wasted away. Tuberculosis had her fully in its grip, and she'd steadily worsened over the months after Kenshin last left. In the end, it seemed she was only waiting for him to come back to finally let go. But once he did come back, and died in her arms, finally at peace, she'd found the strength to hold onto life a bit more. Barely a week, but enough to tell Kenji all about the father he hadn't been able to know, all about their love and why she regretted nothing. And he understood. He couldn't forgive, not yet, but he understood. And that was enough for Kaoru to have peace at last, too.

She'd been buried by his side, in their clearing, that same morning. And Megumi wept for her, the closest thing to a sister she'd ever had, and for Ken-san, and for their son, and for the happily ever after they had deserved and hadn't got. She'd never believed in happily ever afters— at least, not for her; she didn't deserve it, not only because of her past crimes but because she didn't think she really was a good person. But Kaoru and Kenshin were. And she'd have given anything for them to have had one. _Why couldn't Ken-san stay? Why didn't Kaoru call for me earlier..?_

She shivered and left the window-side. She sat heavily on a rocking chair Genzai had bought for her from a western merchant. He knew Megumi was an insomniac, and he'd thought the rocking motion would help her. It did, but she didn't want to sleep right now. Her gaze was lost about the room, until it caught glimpse of something poking out from the top of her old wardrobe. She climbed on a stool and stood on her tiptoes until she reached it. Her breath caught in her throat. 

It was a dried flower. A bush-rose. She accidentally pricked her finger with one of the still-sharp thorns. _Talking about happily ever afters that never were…_, her incorrigibly cynical side supplied.

Sweet, innocent Kaoru had always worn her heart on her sleeve, her love for Kenshin both weapon and shield against anything else, including his demons. In the end, it'd also left out her child. Megumi had never been like that. Or maybe she'd been, but she'd been too young to remember. Her heart was a dark, secluded place where she kept her own demons. And somewhere, much more hidden than in the way-too-obvious heart, was her love. Away from the surface, but also away from the pain. And that's where she kept things like this rose, like the memory of the evening when it came to her.

Megumi had really thought there was a chance for a fairytale ending then. _So naïve. Who would've thought, Megumi?_ They had finally got Kaoru back, and she and Kenshin were slowly growing into their feelings, and everything was back to normality. Until one day Sanosuke stopped turning up at the Dojo. It was Megumi who'd first told them all not to worry; she'd said that idiot rooster-head had probably got so drunk he'd need a few days' sleep for the hangover to leave. They'd all laughed, then. But some days later, Kenshin had begun looking for him in his usual dens. Noone had seen him for more than a week. Though she hadn't admitted it, Megumi had grown increasingly worried as days went by. What if the idiot had had an accident? Had gotten into a fight he couldn't win? And that hand of his certainly didn't need anymore stitches…

The spell of normalcy they'd still been trying to keep up— Kaoru kept cooking fore one more person, she remembered in a flash— was finally broken by Saitoh, who came to tell them Sanosuke had probably fled the country, since the government had put a price on his head. And any hopes Megumi might have harboured about finding a family, a future within the Dojo's walls were shattered. They were outcasts, all of them, and there's no peace for outcasts.

That night, back at her place, she'd had a rage attack. She'd kicked the furniture and screamed and hit the wall until her voice was hoarse and her hands hurt. She'd finally fallen on a restless sleep. But it couldn't have been more than an hour she had been sleeping when she awoke with a start. She'd heard something— _someone_— on the roof. She jumped from her bed, took a vase from the table to use as a weapon, and stood uncertainly in front of the window. Fear gripped at her throat, and an irrational thought—_ Kanryuu_— kept trying to push through her mind.

A dark figure leapt inside the room, dropping from the roof, and Megumi lunged at it with all her strength. But her arms were gripped by big, strong hands. The vase fell to the floor and shattered.

'Megumi! Megumi, calm down, it's me! It's Sano!'

She stopped struggling, looked up at him and pushed the long strands of hair out of his face with both hands. Yes, he was Sano, but—

'Yes, I had to lose the bandanna. And the Aku, too. Too flashy, they'd be on my neck in a second.'

He was wearing dark, indistinct clothing. She found a thousand questions fighting to rise to the surface, along with many unshed tears, but in the end practicality won.

'How _could_ you be such an _idiot_?', she all but shrieked. 'How _could_ you—' He hushed her with a finger on her lips.

'Shh, Megumi. I don't have much time. I guess you already know. I really am going to leave Japan. I must. But I had to come here, before…' He let her shoulders go and fumbled within his jacket. He produced a small, battered flower. A bush-rose. It looked as it'd spent some days travelling in Sano's pocket.

Megumi wanted to laugh, but a sob choked her instead. _So stupid… So stupid, as always…_

'You see, I… Ugh, that looks a bit worse for wear, doesn't it? … Megumi..? Are you crying?'

She couldn't resist anymore. She threw the stupid flower on her bed and clung to Sano, crying for the first time in she didn't know how long, desperate, for all the things she now realized that were forever lost and wouldn't come back. Sano held her close.

'Megumi, I'm sorry, I didn't want to make you cry… But I had to come, because… Not to give you that, of course… But because I need you to promise me you'll smile more often. Not your little devious I'm-so-clever smile, but your real smile, the one that lights up your eyes and makes you look so… I don't know. I'm rambling, I know, but please don't cry, Megitsune, don't cry… I really need you to promise. Please.' He'd taken her face in his hands, and caressed her cheek with a touch so delicate she wouldn't have believed it was Sano.

Megumi nodded weakly, and he brought her closer to him. 'Thank you. Thank you. You don't know how much it means to me.'

And they stood like that for a long time, lost in their embrace, her crying and him caressing her hair, her back, and whispering soothing nothings in her ear.

But finally, exhaustion took over Megumi, and Sano picked her up and carried her to her bed. He laid her down delicately, and as she fell quickly into a deep sleep she could've sworn she felt his warm lips on hers for a brief instant. 'You're so beautiful,' he whispered.

Next thing she knew, the room was empty. And the only proof he'd ever been there was a slightly wilted flower on her pillow.

Funny she should have found it then. She shook her head and began changing out of her nightdress and into her kimono. The sky was already changing from a dark blue to a soft lilac. The carriage would soon be waiting at the door.

As she had expected, nobody was waiting to say goodbye to her. The only people she had left there— Yahiko, Tsubame, Dr. Genzai, Kenji— she'd already said goodbye the day before. And those who had been dearest to her… they only existed now in that secret place within herself.

She climbed on the carriage without a word. The driver was a servant of her brother's; he didn't need to be told where he ought to take her. She settled down, hoping the motion of the carriage, like the rocking chair, would lull her to sleep.

Her brother Kei had really treated her with this carriage. She was surprised. It was one of his very best. Once they'd found each other, back in Aizu, the last surviving members of the Takani family, they'd opened a clinic together. In no time they'd been able to buy back their old house in town. They weren't rich, but they were well-off; they could afford a carriage like this one. But Kei was the one who managed the money, and he wasn't too happy with her lately. He'd been distant ever since she refused the arranged marriage he'd prepared for her. He couldn't understand her. Her suitor was only a bit older than her— and she wasn't exactly in her prime, she knew—, good-looking, well-mannered, rich… She'd even met him once, and he'd seemed a nice enough man. But she wouldn't marry him, and so she'd told him.

Kei had been livid, at first.

Poor Kei… he was a good brother, and a good man, but some things— she clutched the dried flower tighter— he just wouldn't understand. And she wouldn't explain.

Suddenly, the flagrant smell of cherry blossoms made her look out the window. They were going past Kenshin and Kaoru's clearing, and—

— she shrieked at the driver to stop the carriage—

— and a tall man was standing there, before their graves, his back to the pathway, dark hair and red bandanna blowing in the breeze.

Megumi jumped out of the cabin so fast she ripped her kimono. But she didn't care. She tripped over herself as she half-ran towards the clearing, wanting to shout but too scared to do so. What if he disappeared, an illusion created by her wishful mind, called by her longing? She didn't dare.

But he looked solid enough from up close. She reached her hand towards his shoulders, trembling in anticipation. At her touch, Sanosuke turned abruptly towards her, his face tear-streaked, and mouthed her name silently. She nodded and took one step closer towards him, opening her arms.

And suddenly, the great tower of a man he was all but collapsed on her, sobs racking his body all over. They fell on their knees on the wet grass, Megumi holding Sanosuke close to her heart, him clinging desperately onto her. And she found herself whispering in his ear the same sweet nothings he'd told her to soothe her so many years ago.

'Hush, baby… It's all right, love, you'll see it's all right… Don't you cry, please, don't cry…'

They stayed there until the sun was high in the sky. Sano's cries had slowly subsided, and Megumi didn't rock him or caress his hair anymore. He slowly pulled back, and looked at her face for a long time.

'You didn't keep your promise,' he finally said.

'What?' asked Megumi, caught completely off-guard.

'Your wrinkles. You have wrinkles on your brow, from frowning. But none around your mouth.'

She didn't answer. Their gaze drifted to the already cherry blossom-covered graves. Sanosuke lay his head on Megumi's shoulder again.

'I loved them so much, Megumi. Them, and Yahiko, and you… You were…'

'Family. Our family.' She finished for him.

'Yes. And I can only think that maybe, if I'd been here… I could…' his voice broke.

'No, Sano. Don't do this to yourself, please. You couldn't have done anything.' She said, hoping she sounded more convinced than she actually was. Would he have been able to make any difference? Would _she_?

A long, agonizing silence separated them. And again, Sano broke it.

'Shinta?'

'Yes. That was Kenshin's real name. I arranged the burials. It was one of Kaoru's last wishes, for his gravestone to bear his real name. She was the only one who knew.'

'It's a beautiful name.'

Another silence. Megumi was finding it hurt to breathe. She couldn't take it anymore. Delicately pulling away from Sano, she stood up and went towards the carriage. She bent down to pick up the flower she'd involuntarily thrown when she'd jumped out of the cabin, and turned to look at him.

'I'm going home, Sano,' she said. And slowly, so slowly it seemed she hadn't moved at all, she extended a hand towards him.

The wind picked up, making the fallen cherry blossoms dance between them. She fought back the tears.

Sanosuke looked at her hand, at the carriage, and at her eyes for the longest time. Then he turned towards the graves, as if waiting for a signal.

Megumi hadn't realized she'd closed her eyes until a strong, calloused hand caught hers. She smiled at Sanosuke between her tears, and they both climbed inside the cabin, not letting go.

At her signal, the driver turned the carriage slowly and began his way back to Tokyo.

~end~

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**Author's note:** My gosh, I'd never believed I'd be touched by the RK muse again! The first scene that came to my mind was the original S/M embrace, just after watching "Lost in Translation". If you've seen it, you know which scene it is: Scarlett Johansson's and Bill Murray's embrace, in the end. The rest just tumbled from my mind to the page as I wrote. I'd never written a fic so quickly.

I think this might well be the saddest thing I've ever written. I might be writing a sequel, though, from Sano's POV. The plot bunny just started nibbling my ankles.

I'm quite happy with how this turned out, also. I feel I've been able to make Sano and Megumi much more believable than in my other fic about them, that old songfic. The fact that I'm now much more fluent in English (finally passed my Cambridge Proficiency Exam! Yippee!) might have helped.

And last but not least, a heartfelt thank you for all the people who reviewed that old little songfic that was "Fix Me Now":

- FirePhoenix0: Short and to the point! Thank you! ;)

- Michi21: Mmh… floss your teeth three times after reading my fic! Wouldn't want my reviewers to grow tooth decay. ;) Thanks for the comment on the rain, I wasn't really sure that had worked as I wanted it to.

- Yanagi: Hehe, glad to hear it made you laugh. A sequel… I doubt it, because my mind is much more set in this universe now, a sadder, more bittersweet universe… but I'll try to come up with something.

- Karina Kineshi: Aka my goddess, the woman whom I pray to at night, mistress of the bestest, angstiest, sweetest, funniest Megumi/Sano that's ever been written. I bow before you and ask humbly for you to update. ;) And again, a heartfelt thank you for your review: from it I got to know your fics. 

- Maren Kelly: Thanks for your review! As you see, it's been quite a long time until I wrote again… But here you have it, Sano and Megumi being nice to each other again!

- Susan Ann: Like I said to Maren Kelly, there you have it, they talk instead of fighting. Thank you very much for your review. It was the first I got, and it really made me very happy.


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